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Joke thread.

Discussion in 'The Breakroom' started by Shike, Feb 3, 2016.

  1. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    The evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
     
  2. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.




    When you are arguing with an idiot make sure he isn't doing them same thing.
     
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  3. outbackwack

    outbackwack Loaded Pockets

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    Look out for #1, but don't step in #2
     
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  4. wazu013

    wazu013 EDC Junkie!!!

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    Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only have 10 to live."

    Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?"

    Doctor: "Nine."
     
  5. DIlan

    DIlan Loaded Pockets

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    Can a woman make you a millionaire?
    Yes. If you're a billionaire.
     
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  6. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    A boiled egg is hard to beat.

    ***********************************************************

    Two wrongs don't make a right - but three lefts do.
     
  7. baccar-3

    baccar-3 Loaded Pockets

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    If God never intended for people to eat animals; why did He make them out of meat?
     
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  8. Water-Rat

    Water-Rat Loaded Pockets

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    Did you hear the joke about the skunk and the trash truck? Nevermind, it stinks.
     
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  9. outbackwack

    outbackwack Loaded Pockets

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    I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

    A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.'
     
  10. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    I wanted to make a joke about sodium, but Na....
     
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  11. baccar-3

    baccar-3 Loaded Pockets

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    Back when I lived over yonder; the sport of the nite was coon huntin'; now this was high end stuff and dogs costing upwards of $300 were used (Redbone, Bluetick,etc) We would all arrive at the site and everybody would let their dogs out, but this particular nite was strange, when billybob arrived he opened his dog box and out jumped a monkey; some of the guys got about half skeered cause they said that thang looked too much like folks.
    Anyway after settin' around the far tellin' lies and so forth we heard the dogs tree; we ran over to the tree and pulled out our only gun, a .22 pistol. billybob said, give it to the monkey, so being the trusting souls we are, we did.
    That monkey went up that tree lickedy split but no shot; down comes the monkey and starts shooting the dogs.
    We all cried out, what's wrong with that thang; it's a killin' our dogs?
    billybob said---They waddint no coon in that tree and there ain't nothin' my monkey hates worse than a liein' coon dog.
     
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  12. wazu013

    wazu013 EDC Junkie!!!

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    An amnesic walks in a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, "So, do I come here often?"
     
  13. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
     
  14. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    Eschew sesquipedalian circumlocutions!
     
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  15. DIlan

    DIlan Loaded Pockets

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    Get ready for "I haven't seen you since last year" joke.:banghead:
     
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  16. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    This sentence contains exactly threeeee erors.
     
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  17. Water-Rat

    Water-Rat Loaded Pockets

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    Hmm... depends on how you count it. There's three extra e's and a missing r. Or you could just say there's two misspelled words. But, not three either way you count it.

    So, what has four wheels and flies?


    A garbage truck
     
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  18. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    That is the third error
     
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  19. dischu

    dischu Loaded Pockets

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  20. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    Counting in binary is as easy as 01, 10, 11.