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Joke thread.

Discussion in 'The Breakroom' started by Shike, Feb 3, 2016.

  1. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.
     
  2. victograph

    victograph Loaded Pockets

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    Do you know why Snow White stopped cooking? Because not even one of the dwarfs was “Hungry”.


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  3. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    A fire hydrant has H-2-O on the inside and K-9-P on the outside.
     
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  4. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    Correct punctuation: the difference between a sentence that’s well-written and a sentence that’s, well, written.
     
  5. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    Kit assembly truth
    After any unit has been completely assembled, extra components will be found on the bench.
     
  6. victograph

    victograph Loaded Pockets

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    True definition if EDC:
    Expensive Daily Custom.


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  7. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    Why is there an S in the word ‘lisp’?
     
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  8. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    Optimist - The glass is half full.
    Pessimist - The glass is half empty.
    Pragmatist - Who forgot the coaster?
     
  9. victograph

    victograph Loaded Pockets

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    Great. Hope you don’t mind an addition:
    Opportunist: Hey that’s my glass
    Scientist: If you look very closely you will see the meniscus
    TSA Agent: you’ll have to drink that before you enter.


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  10. PragmaticMurphyist

    PragmaticMurphyist Loaded Pockets

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    Me: It's your round, isn't it?
     
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  11. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
     
  12. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    Hallmark: “When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by a corporation.”
     
  13. victograph

    victograph Loaded Pockets

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    Wow, my wife said I’m good in that way too.


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  14. victograph

    victograph Loaded Pockets

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    Trust is allowing your wife to pack your parachute. I read that on a tombstone.


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  15. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    Bifocals are God’s way of saying, “Keep your chin up.”
     
  16. victograph

    victograph Loaded Pockets

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    [​IMG]
    Just to balance things, one from my wife.


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  17. victograph

    victograph Loaded Pockets

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    [​IMG]took the dogs on a walk this morning. Found this at the corner near my house.


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  18. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    It takes patience to listen.. it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
     
  19. Moshe ben David

    Moshe ben David Loaded Pockets

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    Naaahhhh. Any guy who's married can do it without thinking! ;)

    L'chaim!

    Moshe ben David
     
  20. victograph

    victograph Loaded Pockets

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    My wife has started dropping hints of what she wanted for Christmas. She says she wants something small for her right hand from Sax, that will sparkle in the sunlight, and part of it is metal. I think I nailed it. I just bought her a silver alox Cadet. Can’t wait to see the look on her face Christmas morning when she opens it.


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