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Discussion in 'The Breakroom' started by Shike, Feb 3, 2016.
The generation of random numbers is too important to leave to chance.
There is always something to be thankful for. If you can't pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.
The paperless office will become a reality about the same time as the paperless toilet.
Picked up from Ace of Spades
The Saturday Night Joke
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
Must be a French politician?
Does not compute.....
Moshe ben David
I thought if I had said "zories" no one would get it
"Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night: day."
I went to the doctors with hearing problems, he said “Can you describe the symptoms?”
I said “Homer’s fat, Marge has blue hair, Maggie’s the brains, and Bart’s a brat”
What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
What do you call a man without a spade in his head?
What do you call a man with rabbits up his bottom?
Four-wheel-drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places.
Somehow this must be a corollary to Murphy's Law. AND somehow related to the well known rule that one will inevitably find a lost item in the last place one looks....!
Moshe ben David
I heard you always find a lost item after you buy a replacement, but my wife's not buying it.....
Never understood that last one... What kind of muppet carries on looking for something once they've found it?!
If you struggle to stay awake while using your iPad, there's a nap for that.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... so does having no medical insurance.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
Do you know the difference between elves and dwarfs? Elves are sweeter. At least thats what the bear said...
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