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Discussion in 'The Breakroom' started by Shike, Feb 3, 2016.
Thanks for explaining the word multitudinous to me, that means a lot
Let's eat Grandma
A woman without her man is nothing
Heard this one again recently.
A man out for a walk on the beach finds an unusual bottle. Thinking why not give it a shot, he gives it a rub and poof! A genie pops out.
Amazed, the man asks if he gets 3 wishes. The genie reply's "yes but there is always a price to pay. I've looked into your mind, and seen that it's your ex-wife you most despise. You may wish for anything you want, but know that she will be blessed with twice as much"!
The man waste no time in thinking it over and immediately wishes to be living in a mansion. Instantly, the man and the genie are standing in the living room of a mansion. The genie reminds him "Your ex-wife has two mansions, just as great as this one".
Unaffected the man claims his second wish, 5 billion dollars in an offshore account. The genie hands over an account number, and warns the man once again. "Your ex-wife gets double and so far you've given your ex-wife two mansions, and 10 billion dollars".
This time the man looks down, takes a deep breath, and braces himself.
"I wish you'd beat me half to death".
I think the last time I heard this it was mother-in-law, but it still works.
My wife tells me I'm average. I think she's mean.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
I bought these shoes off a Drug Dealer.
I don't know WHAT he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day!!
I went to buy some camouflage shirts the other day, but I couldn’t find any
Why do the French only put one egg in an omelette?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
The advantages of origami are twofold
Never fall in love with a tennis player?
To them, "Love" means nothing
When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
I'm thinking about getting a new haircut... I'm going to mullet over.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know
It’s bad luck to be superstitious.
Take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
Welcome to Civilization in 2018 -
Our Phones - Wireless
Cooking - Fireless
Cars - Keyless
Food - Fatless
Dress - Sleeveless
Youth - Jobless
Leaders - Shameless
Relationships - Meaningless
Attitudes - Careless
Babies - Fatherless
Feelings - Heartless
Education - Valueless
Children – Mannerless
We are - SPEECHLESS,
Government - is CLUELESS,
And our Politicians - are WORTHLESS!
I'm scared - ****less
Our local cemetery raised its burial cost - blamed it on the cost of living.
I tried to teach myself how to drive a stick shift car but I couldn't find a manual.
What does "reading comprehension" even mean?