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Joke thread.

Discussion in 'The Breakroom' started by Shike, Feb 3, 2016.

  1. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    All gneralizations are false.
     
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  2. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    Flabbergasted: Appalled at how much weight you have gained

    Balderdash: Rapidly receding hairline
     
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  3. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    Foolproof systems do not take into account the ingenuity of fools
     
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  4. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    Hmmm...... Another day has passed and I did not use Algebra once......very interesting.
     
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  5. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
     
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  6. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    I would like to make a pun about philosophy but I Kant.
     
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  7. Water-Rat

    Water-Rat Loaded Pockets

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    I tried to have a good philosophy on life but my Karma ran over my Dogma.
     
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  8. woolfam

    woolfam Loaded Pockets

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    It seems like my wife is always telling me what to do. So the other day, when she told me to stop acting like a flamingo, I finally had to put my foot down.
     
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  9. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    After all is said and done - more is said than done.
     
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  10. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    England does not have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
     
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  11. baccar-3

    baccar-3 Loaded Pockets

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  12. JulietZuluHotel

    JulietZuluHotel Empty Pockets

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    A man walks into a bar and stays there my whole childhood.
     
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  13. Shike

    Shike Loaded Pockets

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    A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

    The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

    Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

    The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

    To: My Loving Wife
    Subject: I've Arrived
    Date: 16 May 2003
    I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
    P.S. Sure is hot down here!
     
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  14. baccar-3

    baccar-3 Loaded Pockets

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  15. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    Which letter is silent in the word "scent," the S or the C?


    If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.
     
  16. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    Don't trust atoms, they make everything up!
     
  17. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed
     
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  18. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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  19. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

    What do you call bears with no ears?
    B
     
  20. asemery

    asemery Loaded Pockets

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    Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
     
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