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I, Punching Bag. Dealing with pregnancy rage.

Discussion in 'The Breakroom' started by Cynt, Jan 6, 2013.

    medic2807 Loaded Pockets

    I don't want to sound like a tool again, but if you are in your marriage for 1 1/2 years and are being berated for no good reason, DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN. Life is too short to live with a hateful wife. You will die young and unhappy. Put an end to that madness. Marry someone you can't live without, not someone you can tolerate.

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    • In Omnia Paratus

    Omega Man Loaded Pockets

    I'm trying medic, I am. Even with all her self acknowledged crazy, I can be a bit of a robot, as a defense mechanism. I just find it hard to nip things in the bud when they start, because I don't see them starting. I feel like I get crapped on so I get defensive. But all I need to do, according to her, is be warm and lovely and smothering. Which I find hard to do immediately after being crapped on.
    I still appreciate your advice. Let's hope it never comes to that, because in all honesty, no one on this earth would make a better mother than my wife. Period.
    I just need to emote and share more, and she to under react.

    jnsn Loaded Pockets

    the 1st time my wife tells me she hates me will be the last. the divorce process would quietly begin asap. those are words you cant take back and IMO even if she were to play nice again it would always be in the back of my mind and make me question her motives.
    Evilbunnyreviews and medic2807 like this.

    medic2807 Loaded Pockets

    Give her the ultimatum. You should be loving because you want to be. If things keep on going the way they are, you will end up leaving her and seeing your kids every other weekend. Tell her you need to see change or you are leaving.

    From what you are telling me, you don't need to change anything. You said yourself you are "robot"-like as a defense mechanism. That is no way to be. Who wants to cuddle with a wife you aren't sure loves you? She may be a good mom in the future, but she's not a very good wife now. The idea that kids make things better is flawed. Don't bring a kid into a loveless home. Chances are if you lay it on the line, she will see what an evil person she has been and will likely change her ways. If not, oh well. There are tons of fantastic women out there who are capable of reciprocating love in an awesome marriage.

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    ProjeKtWEREWOLF likes this.

    medic2807 Loaded Pockets

    Amen, brother.

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    • In Omnia Paratus

    Omega Man Loaded Pockets

    I'm going to cool off this thread a bit, me thinks. I'm painting with broad strokes here, and I don't want anyone in my personal or online life to think I have a horrible wife or loveless marriage. We just both have our issues that flare up from time to time. She could just as easily be griping about me on facebook or something, but doesn't. 'Aunt Flo' is just making this a very trying week.. lol
    I appreciate all the thoughts though, and would like to focus on the person in real need, who originally reached out to us for some relief, cycst
    • In Omnia Paratus

    Gryffin Loaded Pockets

    Everyone else here is being so supportive that I hate to agree with medic 2807... but sadly, I have to.

    I went through it too. The hormones, the anger, the abuse. In my case it got better after the birth... for a few years, until she demanded a divorce. That there is a tale of woe I shan't get into, until Wes Craven finishes the film version.

    I know hormones are a powerful thing, but if she lets them drive her to such a hateful place, you have much bigger problems. SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP, BOTH OF YOU. NOW.
    Dapple and SurvivePenna like this.

    bpa Loaded Pockets

    I would suggest finding a counselor (maybe part of you health plan?) or another impartial, experienced adviser who can give you some objective advice and coping tools. It may be "just" hormones, but there could be something else. This is bigger than both of you. Get help before it becomes permanent.
    jag-engr likes this.
    • GITD Manix 2XL Owner

    Mumbojumboo EDC Junkie!!!!!

    ^good advice. As a father of 7-year-old triplets sons,......... she is making a human, give her a break, even if it doesn't seem right. Oh, and the terrible threes are worse than the twos. You have a tough road ahead. I know that we really struggled and went as far as renting an apartment but we could never figure out who was leaving. We laugh about that now but the situation was insane for many years. I know people say,” Don’t cry over spilled milk”, but I have completely flippin freaked out before and then cleaned it up and drove to the store to buy more.
    Fukurai and vegassprky like this.
    • In Omnia Paratus

    Cynt Loaded Pockets

    Hoo. Got heated in here.

    Lot of advice... going to take it to heart but... Look, It sucks being pregnant and that's that. I know my wife says she hates me, and acts like it but she's here again tonight. If she was as serious as she says, my god I hope she'd be gone by now. If I hated some one, I'm out. She may drive me nuts but I am not being controlled by a strange chemical entity and have another human growing inside me. I'm just a target for all that bleh.

    It's worse than the first, by far, but still with in the realm of what it was. Looking forward to meeting my new son or daughter, it's a surprise!

    I appreciate all the hang in their comments. If she says nuts I'll cross that bridge when it does not go away. I think this is pretty :censored: temporary, and just darkest before dawn.

    Like I said, "Cut me, Mick" can't see a thing, but send me back in. It's the final leg.

    Thank god I can go to work tomorrow! LOL
    kertap75 and Mumbojumboo like this.

    Valerian Tea-powered admin

    There's some saying about how marriage does not mean you split everything 50-50. Instead, it will take 100% from both of you. Her 100% is pretty much taken up by the pregnancy, so you'll just have to deal with that.
    Mumbojumboo, Fukurai and Cynt like this.
    • In Omnia Paratus

    Cynt Loaded Pockets

    Givin' 'er all iv'e got cap'n! Fortunately I can post on a great forum and get it off my chest AND get support. word.

    Her 100% is stretched thin... mine is too but not physically, time. I got not time. But, I am giving my all and doing the best I can, at least that knowledge can keep me sane.
    Omega Man and Fukurai like this.
    • In Omnia Paratus

    tower Loaded Pockets

    I agree completely. The only personal experience I have with this is my ex-wife who was terribly abusive (emotionally) but not pregnant.

    Look, the only behavior here that you can control is your own. And to be perfectly frank, you have boundary issues. You don't seem to be able to set healthy boundaries for yourself. Respectfully, I submit that your wife would likely have much more respect for you if you did.

    Now I understand that suggesting therapy to her may be a touchy subject. You should NOT be the one to suggest it. That would probably guarantee failure. Perhaps make an appointment (for yourself ONLY) with her obstetrician. Explain the problems you are having and see what they suggest. They may know someone who specializes In this specific scenario.

    At the VERY LEAST, get yourself a shrink because no one should have to go through this alone. Look, if divorce is necessary, there will be a mourning period, but you will survive it. However, a toxic environment like the one that exists now is the very worst thing you can do for your two year old. And if this behavior persists post-partum, it will poison two kids as well as yourself. Do you honestly think that obsequiously submitting to physical abuse is good relationship modeling for your son?

    Please know that your EDC Family is here for you at any time, but your circumstance really does require proffesional intervention.

    nitrofein Loaded Pockets

    All of these posts make me happy I never got married. Im been happily living with my significant other for 6 years now and I have rarely experienced the things I am hearing on this thread. Great honest communication I would attribute to our successful and happy relationship. Best of luck to all of you.

    ProjeKtWEREWOLF Loaded Pockets

    As a mental health professional, I'd be concerned about her potentially suffering from some sort of pre-puerpal psychosis? I would strongly recommend you seek professional help. The risk of psychotic illness after birth may well be increased also.
    tower likes this.
    • In Omnia Paratus

    tower Loaded Pockets

    Can you hook a brother up?
    Fukurai, kd7dvd, bigguy02 and 5 others like this.

    trickcarey EDC Junkie!!!!!

    ^This. If you have a good relationship with her family, they can be a huge asset. I haven't experienced abuse or harsh words that I didn't deserve, but being able to talk to her mom has been helpful for me. If you don't have a good relationship with her parents, maybe this could build a bridge?
    I'm not sure. But I'll pray for you guys for sure though.
    Cynt and Dusty like this.

    Dusty Loaded Pockets

    Look guys, to all of you who are advising leave and professional help etc, give the guy and his wife a chance. Pregnancy is physically and mentally very hard on a woman, there is another child to consider and also the fact this man loves his wife.

    Don't give up, try everything until there's nothing left to try. I did, it worked.
    Cynt likes this.

    Quixotica Loaded Pockets

    Edited due to removal of post this related to.
    Last edited by Quixotica, Jan 7, 2013
    • In Omnia Paratus

    tower Loaded Pockets

    I never suggested that he leave, merely that in some cases that IS the solution and it is survivable. I stand by what I said regarding getting professional help. I don't care how demanding pregnancy is, if this were a woman getting shoved around by her husband, how many times would you suggest that she suffer abuse before she leaves? Once you have things clear between the two of you, you let her know that you have every intention of leaving if she doesn't srtraigten up. Then, if the behavior persists, you give a MAXIMUM of three chances (three strikes, you're out) but do not let her know that you plan on giving her three chances. And of course, this depends on the form and level of abuse and the potential physical danger (which seems low in your case).
    jag-engr and kertap75 like this.